Don't Think Twice
by BlackLynx17
Summary: Kiss me once. Kiss me twice. Kiss me three times.


**BlackLynx17: I wrote this when the single Don't Think Twice came out by Utada Hikari. It has nothing to do with that song, I just really liked it. Honestly I wrote this in the beginning to be a short and sweet fluff piece... but then it got dark and I just kept going along with it. Oh well, hope you enjoy. Mendy is still going strong!**

* * *

Breathe.

Green eyes stare into my own.

I bite my bottom lip, feeling my teeth digging in, almost threatening to break the skin and start bleeding.

Misty green eyes stare at me endlessly.

A lone finger reaches out and brushes against my chin; my teeth stop abusing my lips. The finger moves up and smooths out my lips. It feels rough, but I can't tell if it's his finger that's rough or the fact that I haven't put on lip balm all day.

Sparkling green eyes slowly lower as they begin to stare at my lips.

I feel my heart racing in overtime. One of his arms is sneaking around my waist, brushing by my hips before resting on the curve of my back. The other one is still touching my lips, no, it slowly moves down to my chin, tilting it up and a little to the left.

Loving green eyes close as they get closer to me.

I can't help but flinch as my first kiss is stolen. It doesn't feel like a kiss. It doesn't feel like those feeling described by my friends, heated, desperate, or the feelings I've read in books, being reborn, the world fading away. It just feels like contact, skin contact, lips to lips contact. The moment is stolen away as the door to my room opens.

Ah, now this is something I've read in books before. Family members catching each other in embarrassing moments. All of a sudden the two of us are flinching apart. I stare with wide eyes at my door, my face turning red.

My brother, well adopted brother, is standing in the doorway probably trying to understand why his best friend is in his little sister's room, in his little sister's bed, kissing said little sister. All of a sudden things click into place and he makes a face I've only seen him make when I do something completely bad. I'm reduced to a little six year old girl, staring down at my hands and twisting my fingers around.

"Mest... a word, please?" Jellal strains to say calmly.

I know he's trying his best not to yell because of me. I can't stand it when people argue, or yell, or fight. It hurts me just as much as it hurts the people it's directed at. I see the veins sticking out of his forehead though, and the strain he has squeezing my doorknob till his knuckles start turning white.

"Jellal, it's not what-"

"I will not repeat myself again Mest. You can either come willingly, or be dragged by that mop of a haircut you have."

I pout a little; now that was a low blow. I like Mest's hair, it's all soft and spiky and long; much better than when he had that shaved head for a while. Mest gulps and looks towards me. I can see the small panic in his eyes and I try my best to smile for him, to help relieve him and maybe let him believe that everything is going to be okay. I truly have no idea though. Jellal treats me special because I'm his sister, but Mest I've seen him kick and beat around (for fun, goofing around they told me).

He smiles back and risks pissing off my brother more by reaching out and stroking my cheek before he's off my bed. Jellal doesn't look at me as he follows Mest out, making sure to close the door behind him. I let out the breath I've been holding and fall into my bed, grunting as pencils and books stab into my back. I move them away before I finally relax.

My first kiss ruined by my brother. No, that was unfair. Not ruined, just... it was an experience. I can't tell good or bad, it was... I don't know. It was something. After months of flirting, weeks of dating, our first kiss was so short I feel like I would forget it.

I don't know how long I lay there on my bed in my daydreams. I break out of them as my door creaks open though and look over, seeing my brother walking in with a frown on his face.

"I sent Mest home."

I'm sad, but I smile for Jellal and nod my head, "okay."

I wonder how Mest is going to get home though, he left all of his things here in my room. His jacket, backpack, pretty sure his wallet and keys.

"Wendy, we need to talk."

I lean up from my bed and nod my head, "yes Jellal."

Jellal sighs and looks a bit awkward as he enters my domain, standing before looking at my bed. He sits down and tries to position himself comfortably, but he just ends up standing again and decides that's where he's going to stay.

"How long-... Mest is..." he groans running a hand down his face, "did it have to be my best friend?"

I blink, "no, it didn't have to be. It just happened."

Jellal narrows his eyes, "so it's just a fling?"

I blush and shake my head, "no! Of course not!"

"Good, I don't like thinking of you like that, especially with him," Jellal says in distaste, but I know deep down he loves Mest like a brother. Not the way I love him though.

"Are you, are you mad?"

Jellal just grunts.

"We were going to tell you as soon as we figured we were comfortable, or well, committed, I mean! Just... until we were serious. Until it became serious. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

Jellal's eyes narrow slightly at me, "do you bring him into your room often?"

"I wouldn't say often, this is his third time."

"And do you guys... do that when-"

"No, this was the first time he's ever kissed me."

"Oh," Jellal's eyes widen and he blinks, "I didn't, I'm sorry. I know how that feels, Dad busted in on my with my first kiss with Erza and... well you're never going to forget about it now."

I giggle slightly and smile up at Jellal. His shoulders finally relaxes and he gives me a small half smile back.

"Do you like him?"

"I love him."

"And you guys are dating?"

"Yes, he asked me to be his girlfriend a while ago. Before that we just went on a couple of dates. We started in the beginning of spring."

"I knew something weird was going on, but I just ignored it," Jellal mumbles rubbing his neck, "well I'm sure if I forbid you, you won't listen and will sneak off with him. I already gave Mest a hell of a talk and piece of my mind-"

I gasp.

"Don't worry, he's fine. I didn't hurt him... too bad."

"Jellal-"

"Don't worry about it Wendy, he's fine. I have to ask though, does it have to be him? He's... well you know, he's Mest. He's two years older than you and a bit of an asshole. He forgets about holidays and anniversaries, he forgets about dates too. He left his last girlfriend waiting at the movie theaters for three hours because he forgot their date and got high with-" Jellal starts coughing, trying to cover up what he said.

"Jellal, please trust me. I know what I'm doing, and if I didn't, don't you think that's just apart of my learning experience as I face adulthood?"

Jellal sighs and rubs the top of my head, "if he hurts you I'm going to hurt him more."

"Not too bad, he's still your best friend."

"My sister and my best friend, leaves a sour taste in my mouth," he groans and then chuckles.

That's when I know everything is good. I smile up at Jellal and he smiles back down towards me before his face gets all serious.

"No more sneaking him over."

"I don't sneak him over, but okay Jellal."

"And no hiding up in your room either, ever. Especially with the door closed. Stay in the living room. I won't tell Mom and Dad about this... incident... and if he ever tries to force himself onto you-"

"Gosh Jellal! Please! Yes! Okay! I understand, thanks for the talk! Now please stop before we are both scarred!" I begin to blush.

Jellal gives me a tight smile before nodding his head, "love you sis."

"Love you too bro."

I hope I never have to go through this embarrassing of a conversation again.

* * *

Cool hands run through my hair, sensations traveling all throughout my body. His fingers start slowly, rubbing, massaging, before they hold my head tighter. A soft sigh escapes from my lips.

My eyes peek open and he's staring with an expression filled with love and devotion. It doesn't help stop the shivers coursing through my body right now. All of a sudden I can't stop remembering my first kiss with him. It felt like nothing, like skin, but with what I'm feeling now it might be different.

"Mest," I whisper from my lips.

Kiss me once.

I feel his breath against my face before I feel his lips on mine. It's the same- no, it feels different. It feels more, full, more, rough, more... I don't know. His grip on my hair tightens as our lips smash against each other. He pulls away from me and stares into my eyes, I don't know why though. Maybe checking if I'm okay?

Kiss me twice.

I look at his eyes before closing my own, waiting for the new feelings to happen when he does it again. This time it feels a bit more wetter, he goes for a open kiss. My first reaction is to jerk away, but I just stay there and try to mimic what he just did. When we pull away I know my face is bright red and he laughs because of it, chuckles under his breath.

Kiss me three times.

He doesn't kiss me on my lips again. He instead goes for my cheek. His hands leave my hair and go to cuff my face, tilting my head to and fro as he kisses my forehead, the corner of my left eye, my nose, my right eyelid, down my chin, at the neck- I left out a soft squeal there.

"I love you so much," he whispers, and I know he means it.

We've been friends for years, he's loved me all this time. Maybe as a little sister first like Jellal, then or maybe as a friend first, but now it's completely different, completely better. I smile brightly as his fingers brush against my cheeks.

"I love you too."

Such a dazzling smile appears on his face it nearly breaks my heart into a million pieces. I close my eyes and let him do whatever. He goes back to running his fingers through my hair, letting my head rest against his shoulder as he holds me.

The front door opens and suddenly it feels like we're miles apart. Jellal comes walking into the living room moments later. I don't know what Mest is doing, but I'm pretending to be asleep on the couch. He doesn't move, maybe he's staring down Mest right now. It's a while before I hear him retreat, hearing loud footsteps stomping up the stairs. Mest sighs out in relief and suddenly I'm being pulled back. I let out a fit of giggles and open my eyes back up, finding myself in his lap now.

"We should go out more," He says, dazzling me with his smiles again.

"Okay. I like walking through parks, although it seems like a cliche to kiss behind a tree."

Mest chuckles and I think he's going to lean in for another kiss, but we hear loud footsteps coming back down the stairs. He doesn't push me away, but holds me tight in this position as Jellal drops his backpack on the coffee table and makes his presence clear that he's not going to leave.

"Thanks Jellal," Mest mumbles sarcastically.

"If you don't like it, get out," Jellal mumbles back.

Mest looks over at me and smiles, "I actually like it quite fine, maybe even love."

I giggle and that's when Jellal butts himself in, calling me over to his side. It's my first time seeing Jellal so childish and jealous that I can't help but go to him; it only makes it all the sweeter that Mest starts to pout in the corner of the couch.

* * *

I feel the wind brush against my fingertips. I should pay attention to where I'm going, but I can't help but look at my fingers wishing to see the wind slip through them. Of course at this moment I ride over a bump and nearly lose my balance... nearly. I wave my arms around as I try to regain my footing and stop, leaning against my board to break. My heart is racing as I step off of it, too close a call.

"You okay there kid?" Mest asks skating around me.

He makes riding a skateboard look effortless and sexy, a very dangerous combination.

"Yeah, I'm good."

When Mest smiles he looks younger than he is, although he's pretty young already. 18 isn't that old. 16 isn't that young either. We're perfect for each other. When he smiles it makes his entire face light up. I don't understand why some girls don't find his face attractive. The scar he has on the corner of his eye doesn't make him look ugly or scary, it makes him look mysterious and beautiful. If only they knew how he got those scars, then they would probably laugh and feel ridiculous. He grows his hair out to try and hide them, but I like it. I like his eyes too, green. Green eyes, black hair. I like brown hair and green eyes as a combination, and black hair with blue eyes, but he makes black hair and green eyes look... my face begins to fluster.

"Why are you looking at me so intensely?" Mest chuckles, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Just checking you out," I answer honestly, because I'm caught off guard and have no filter to my mouth.

Mest looks surprised and raises a hand to cover his face, looking away. I can see the tips of his ears turn red and smile a bit, walking closer towards him.

"I love your eyes, and your smile. It dazzles me so many times. I love how you're letting your hair grow out again, I hate it when you cut it, and I love how soft it feels and how it tickles my fingers when you let me touch it. I especially love your scars, I think they're beautiful. If you would let me I'd like to trace them over and over again as I stare at you."

I can't say anymore because he covers my mouth with his hand. His face is a full on red now and I grin; I've embarrassed him. I didn't think I could do such a thing, Mest is usually all cool and aloof. Here he is now though blushing as red as a tomato.

"I knew you were dangerous, I saw it when you were younger, but now I see you've only honed in on those skills. Do me a favor kid and never speak like this to me again in public? Alright?"

I giggle against his hand and nod my head. Mest looks at me with something I can't recognize in his eyes, I know it's more than just love. He sighs for a second before he nods back at me.

"Good," he says letting go of me and then he's skating down the block, leaving me behind.

I'm definitely going to have to remember this about him.

* * *

"Let. Me. Go." I say calmly, trying to keep my voice even.

I don't like arguing. I don't like fights. This guy just needs to let me go and everything will be alright. Everything will be fine. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

"Come on Wendy, why are you staring at me with such distaste? I'm not asking you to marry me all of a sudden."

"As I've told you before Chad, I have a boyfriend and we're very serious. Now can you please release me so we can go to class?"

His hold doesn't loosen up though and he actually yanks me towards him, his other hand pinching my chin. It doesn't feel like when Mest does it, tilting my head, kissing me, no, these touches aren't soft, they aren't filled with love.

They hurt.

"Now a rejection I can handle, but lying Wendy? Come on. You don't have to do that. I know you're not seeing anyone, and I know you're not big on the dating scene, but why not try once? With me? For me? Just one date? I promise I don't bite, not unless you're into that kind of thing?" He says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

I'm scared. I'm getting angry. I don't know which emotion is going to win, but I know for sure I'm in pain. Physically and mentally.

"Please."

I don't expect my voice to crack. I don't expect for Chad to get punch in the face a second later either. All of a sudden his hold on me is gone and Mest is there, towering over me, giving me a passing glance before he turns his attention to Chad who is staggering to stay on his feet, and then tackles him to the ground.

"Don't you ever touch MY Wendy again!" He yells.

I watch the fighting. I'm reminded of my father, my real father. Yelling at my mother, yelling at me, hitting her, hitting me. I'm scared. I'm paralyzed. I can't stay weak though, there's something wrong inside me. Whatever enticed me to try and protect my mother whenever my father came home with the intention to hurt us reawakens and then I'm throwing myself on top of Mest, trying my best to pull him off.

"Mest! Please stop! Mest! Please! Please!"

I don't want to cry, but tears end up coming out. Mest stops. I feel him freeze. I look up and he's looking back at me, suddenly ashamed of what he's done. All of a sudden I'm in his arms and he's holding me, squeezing me, petting my hair and whispering apologies in my ears. I don't know if Jellal told him about my childhood, I don't think I would be completely mad if he did, but Mest does know what violence and yelling does to me. I feel his arms shake around me as he apologizes over and over again. He never meant to scare me, he was only trying to protect. I understand that, but the memories won't stop appearing in my head.

Getting slapped.

Getting hit.

He picks up a belt.

He picks up a knife.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

* * *

Faint white lines. That's all they are now. So faint you can barely see them, but still there. Even if they disappear completely the pain will always be there. I will always remember what he did. It can never not be apart of me now.

I don't realize I'm not alone until a hand covers my own. I flinch and look up; Mest flinches too and pulls his hand away, an apology on his lips.

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "no, it's alright. I'm fine. Are you?"

He doesn't look beat up. Chad didn't get a chance to lay a single finger on him. My strong boyfriend. My overprotective boyfriend.

"I'm just fine Wendy. Listen, I'm sorry. I know how you are, I should have been more careful, talked it out, but when I saw him grab you I walked over, and when I heard you whisper I just lost myself. I never meant to scare you- I never meant to hurt you! Please know that! I swear I'll do better, I'll never make you... I'll never make you faint again. I'm... sorry."

He sounds like a broken record, like a broken man. I reach out for his hand and hold it tightly in my own.

"I forgive you Mest, I love you. Thank you for saving me. Chad just wouldn't listen, and I was hoping you would come and save me, I just wish... no, I'm just happy you came." I try my best to smile.

Mest's face tightens up, "well Chad is in deep shit right now, same as me, but hopefully not too deep. The principal wants to talk with you, he said we could wait until tomorrow though since you're not feeling well. I'll go with you, Jellal too. He was here as well! But he had to go to work, he wanted to call off, but I told him you wouldn't have wanted that so... yeah."

I nod my head, letting everything sink and settle in. I don't remember anything but not being able to breathe. I must have fainted, probably completely scared Mest to death, and he must have carried me to the nurse's office.

"Do I have to stay? Or can you walk me home?" I ask him.

Mest straightens up, "we can go! Or we can call your parents for a ride! Whatever you want!"

"I rather have some fresh air," I say pulling the blankets aside.

I don't think I'm dizzy when I try standing, but Mest is there beside me to catch me if anything happens. He grabs our backpacks and holds onto my hand tightly as he begins to walk me home. I slowly roll down my sleeves as we leave the school, wishing I could be at home curled up, rubbing my scars. I have so many, they will never fade, so many, I will never forget, so many...

"Wendy?"

I blink and look up at Mest; he tries to smile, but I can see the worry on his face.

"I'm fine Mest, I promise," I smile at him.

He smiles back, but it's forced. He looks down to my free hand, I'm rubbing my arm over my sleeves. I don't know if he's seen them so close before. Maybe he's never seen them. They're faint, but there, always there... I must shake these thoughts out of my head.

"They're old." I tell him.

His eyebrows narrow, "did you?"

I shake my head, I'm no cutter. I may dress a bit emo and punk rocker-ish, but that's only because of Jellal's influence (and maybe Mest too.)

"I don't have the nicest father." I say simply.

Mest freezes completely in our walk and his eyes go wide. I can see his face paling as he struggles to speak out.

"Jellal's Dad-"

My eyes go wide too and I quickly shake my head side to side, "no! No! No! No! Not him! Mr. Fernandes is a wonderful step-dad to me! I love him so much! He would never hurt me!"

Mest lets out a breath of relief, but his face doesn't relax. He looks at me again and frowns.

"Shouldn't it have been didn't then?" He asks.

I see his confusion, but I couldn't help it and shrug, "he's still my father."

"A piece of shit like that doesn't deserve to have you call him father. Father's are suppose to love their children, not abuse them."

I want to say it wasn't abuse, but it was. I can't stand up for him, I'm not supposed to. He wasn't nice, he wasn't kind, he hurt me, he hurt my mother... but he wasn't always like that. He used to be kind, and sweet, and would buy me ice cream, and hold my hand. It's hard to separate the memories between the good and the bad. He looks the same, but seems like a completely different person in each.

"I know," I whisper.

Because I do know. Years of therapy when they got divorced, more years of therapy as we got resettled and mom got remarried. I thought I was doing better, but it seems... I can't stop thinking about it when I'm triggered. I still have these broken thoughts, I still rub these healed scars. Maybe it's the reason I wish to trace Mest's so much.

"Wendy, I didn't... I'm here. I'm here for you Wendy, whatever you need, whenever you need. I'll always protect you, I'll never- I'll never hurt you." Mest whispers.

And I believe him. I do, and I love him, I do, and I want to kiss him, but I don't, because a part of me is still there. The part that wants to hide and curl up and rub my scars and question what I did wrong in life, when I know it wasn't my fault. I know, but I still question and I can't help myself. So instead I try to smile, nod my head, and squeeze Mest's hand.

"I know Mest, I know. Could you talk me home now?"

His face tightens, I'm worried it'll stay like that because he's made that expression since I've woken up. He leans down, I think for a kiss, but he decides against it and pulls away at the last second. Our walk together is silent only for a second before he whispers.

"I think your scars are beautiful."

I cry, but he doesn't notice. It's only a few tears.

I strangely find comfort in it.

* * *

Mom is huddled up in the corner of the kitchen. I don't know if she wants me to see her or not, I don't know if I should go over there or pretend I didn't see anything. We're alone in the house, Dad's at work and so is Jellal. I see her hands shaking as she holds them to her chest, I see her eyes squeezing close as she tries to get a handle on herself.

What triggered her?

I look around at the counter and see a cutting board and various amounts of vegetables scattered around. There's a knife looking like it's about to fall off the edge, the tip of it red with blood. I blink softly.

Oh.

I walk towards our bathroom and get out a first-aid kit before walking back into the kitchen. Mom flinches and opens her eyes wide as she stares at me. I'm left paralyzed, a trigger of my own happening. I remember being there one day, watching her cry in a corner, flinching when my father's loud footsteps came towards her. We could do nothing but cower. I gulp and slowly walk over, reaching for her hand.

"It's okay Mom, we're safe." I tell her.

It isn't anything serious, she's barely broken the skin at all. I reach for the disinfectant wipes and clean all the blood off.

"I was doing so well, I thought I was over it... finally. But when I heard what happened to you at school Wendy, I remembered, and the therapist, I remembered, and just- I'm sorry."

Her voice sounds broken, scared. I truly hope I didn't sound like this to Mest. I wouldn't want him to fear so much for me.

"Don't be sorry, it isn't our fault."

It's an automatic response. Mom smiles softly at me. I finish putting the bandage over her cut. Her eyes start to sparkle again as she takes deep breathes. I pack the first aid kit away and help her stand up. She looks like her normal self again, no longer broken.

"I'm going to make a quick phone call; Wendy, can you finish cutting up for me?" Mom asks.

I nod my head as I place the first aid kit on the counter, "of course."

She walks away; I know she's going to call her husband and let him make her feel better. I head over towards the counter and pick up the bloody knife, throwing it in the sink and washing it all away. It's quiet in the kitchen as I cut the vegetables. I begin to think about the past, I stop myself and think about the present. My new father loves me very much. My new brother loves me so dearly. My new boyfriend cares for me deeply. There's no reason to hang onto the past...

I can easily say it's not our fault because of years of therapy, but that's all they are. Words. I can't stop thinking that it is our fault, my fault. The perfect family. I let the chopping turn my thoughts into mush. The only sound I hear is that of the cutting board.

* * *

My hands hesitate. I bring them back to my sides, letting my fingers dig into the grass and dirt. Mest rest peacefully on my lap, his chest moving up and down at no rhythm. After a minute I try for it again, he's right there, lying right there, I can do it. My fingers rise up again and I wiggle them, here we go.

Mest opens his eyes at this exact moment and I freeze, my eyes wide as I'm caught in the act. He blinks at me, a peculiar expression on his face. I try and smile, I think I do end up smiling. Whatever expression appears on my face, Mest chuckles and grabs my hands. He places them on the side of his face and holds them there, warm against his.

"You look like you're thinking way too hard and your brain is about to explode," Mest chuckles.

I let out a giggle of my own and curl my fingers in his hair. Bravely, without hesitation because if I hesitate I won't do it, my fingers slowly trace his scar. The two x's on the side of his face, slowly, my fingertips gliding over them. Mest hums and closes his eyes, bringing his hands back to his chest.

"I'm getting pretty hungry," he mumbles.

I trace his scar over and over, "I think my mom's cooking spaghetti for dinner tonight."

He groans, "dinner with the parents? Isn't it a bit too soon for that?"

I let out a giggle, "don't you normally have dinner with us?"

"Yeah, but not as the boyfriend. Did Jellal tell them yet? Or did you?"

"Neither of us."

"Oh, so we're a secret huh?" Mest chuckles getting up.

He turns around and leans closer to me, "forbidden love, I can get into that. What do you say Wendy? Run away with me?"

I hum as I think it over, "I don't think I love you enough to quit school and live a life on the run."

Mest raises an eyebrow, "what about after you graduate?"

"I see no problem in that."

Mest laughs and picks me up; I squeal as his hands wrap around me and I'm suddenly in the air.

"Then it's settled, I'll sweep you off your feet and we'll go live in some far off, exotic country!"

"I only speak Japanese though!" I laugh as he spins me around.

"Then we both better start learning," Mest joins.

He twirls me around and around before falling back; I screech a little, but Mest takes most of the fall and I land on top of him. He's chuckling underneath me, I feel his chest rising up in little puffs. I lean up and on my elbows, glaring down at him with a pout on my face.

"Sorry Wens," he grins, not looking sorry at all.

I sigh and press my forehead against his, pressing a small kiss against his nose.

"Still love you," I mumble.

"Good, keep doing that." Mest says.

He reaches out for me and finds my lips. Kissing is better now, I'm more into it. It doesn't feel like skin to skin contact anymore, it feels rough, and cool, and dangerous, and exciting. My heart races, my head gets lightheaded, and this warm and fuzzy feeling spreads throughout my entire body. I'm left breathless and blushing, turning my head away, but he continues to kiss every part of me.

He really loves me.

He won't hurt me.

I kiss him again.

* * *

I'm slow to open the door. I don't know what I'm expected to see, so I think of the worse. If I think the worse and look at him, maybe it won't be as bad and I won't be as shocked. I walk in and the nurse gives me a small smile and nod of her head before going back to her paperwork. I smile back, even though it goes missed, and head towards the beds. I open up the curtains and see Mest lying in it, a scowl on his face. It immediately brightens up though when he sees me.

It isn't bad. His hands are in bandages, and there's a few more scattered over his face. Three in total. No blood, no black eyes, yes a busted lip, but it has already stopped bleeding and has dried up. I place my bag on the floor and walk over to him. He leans in as I hold out my hands and his head falls into them.

"Sorry," he whispers.

"What for?" I ask, stroking his cheek gently.

"Getting beat up."

"I don't know, you don't look so bad."

Mest cracks a grin and I see his gums are a blood red; he must have gotten hit pretty hard near the mouth. I sit on the corner of his bed and he moves around to give me more space, his arms encircling around my waist and pulling me closer.

"Thanks kid," he hums pressing his bruised lips on the side of my head.

"What happened?" I ask.

Mest stills a little and sighs, "words were being said that I didn't... agree with, so I put an end to them."

I frown, "why didn't you ignore them?"

Mest eyes narrow, "they weren't said about me."

Oh. I flutter my eyes and sigh out, resting my head down on his shoulder. Mest holds me close to him and I remember to breathe.

"You still should have ignored it."

"No, I shouldn't have. They don't deserve to talk about you, they don't even know you."

"You can't protect me Me-"

"Yes I can, and I will."

I shake my head at him, "not forever. You graduate this year, remember? I know how to take care of myself, I've been doing it long before I've met you."

He flinches away from me like he's been burned and I don't understand. All of a sudden he's grabbing my arm and pulling my sleeves up. We've never talked about it again since he's walked me home. He's never asked about it and I never caught his gaze looking for them, but I must have been foolish and not paid close enough attention. His hands trace over the scars I know he's never touched before, but knows exactly where they are.

"No, you don't. You haven't done a good job of taking yourself Wendy. You don't belong to yourself anymore, you belong to me as well and I don't want anything happening to you ever again if I can help it, and I will help it and make sure. You're so precious to me Wendy... I wish I could have been here sooner." Mest sighs out at the end, eyes narrowing at my wrists.

And all of a sudden I'm a child again. A little girl stuck in a corner. A little girl hiding underneath her bed, hands squeezing her ears to block out all the yelling. I'm older now, but still a little girl, crying in the closet trying to keep the door closed as her father tries to break in. I'm even older now, being consumed by my mother's arms as she cries and screams over me, being protect. Mest is right. I thought I did, I believe I helped, but all I did was get hurt. I couldn't protect my mother... I can barely protect myself.

I pull away from Mest and he looks up at me.

"Wendy-"

I shake my head and pull away further. No, I shouldn't. I need to calm down, I need to remember how to breathe. I take a small breath, I take a bigger breath, I take a small breath again, and then a bigger one.

"I'm not... okay, when we talk about things like this."

I thought I was, but I can't. Mest gulps and slowly nods his head.

"I see a therapist, it used to be daily, but now it's only once a few weeks, or whenever I need to. I thought I was doing better, but there are triggers."

"And that's why you don't like violence or arguing," Mest whispers.

I nod my head. He reaches out to grab my hand, but quickly drops it and stares down.

"I'll do better, I promise, but you need tell me these things Wendy. I don't want to be the reason why you feel pain. If there are triggers then I need to know so I won't hurt you."

Mest is understanding. Mest is sweet. He doesn't care about my past, he doesn't push, he accepts it. He wants to help me, he wants to make me forget, he wants to make sure he doesn't hurt me. It means a lot. I never thought that this would be a problem in my future, that it would effect me as much as it has in our relationship, but it is, meaning I'm going to need help again...

I sigh and grab a hold of Mest's hand.

* * *

I feel drained today. My eyes are red and they hurt. They burn so much, I haven't cried so hard in years. I don't like the way I'm feeling now, but apparently it'll get better. I will get better, my therapist's words echo in my ear. I am better. I'm a perfectly normal girl, who sometimes gets panic attacks and remembers the bad things in my life.

Mest is here. I can see his jacket resting on the sofa. If he's here then my brother must be home as well. I hope they didn't hear me come in; I hope they don't see me. I don't want to be seen like this, so defeated, so weak. I head towards the kitchen to get a glass of water; I need to sleep all of this off and then I'll feel so much better tomorrow. I stop though when I hear whispers; I wait in the hallway and loom over the door. I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I do when I hear what my brother and Mest are discussing.

"I don't know anything really. Honestly... I've never really been there when she gets bad. Mom and Dad don't talk about it with me, and when I was first told that she went to therapy I couldn't understand why because Wendy is such a happy and bright person. It didn't make sense. I know bits and pieces, not the whole story. The two of them had a rough life before they met my father."

"I don't want to hurt her. Twice I've made her have that expression on her face like the life's been sucked out of her. Twice Jellal. I can't ask, she doesn't want to talk about it. I can't just do nothing though because then I'll hurt her again and not even realize it. I just want to help. I've been reading online, trying to see if there's anything I can do-"

"Just stay with her Mest. That's all you can do, that's all I can do. She isn't broken, there isn't anything wrong with her."

"I know that, I just-"

I walk away from the conversation. I shouldn't have done it, it only makes me feel worse now than before. I'm hurting him, I'm hurting Mest. Forgetting about everything isn't the correct way to heal, I hear in my head. It is a way, there are several ways, but when you have people there for you it shouldn't be your option. I hate that I can still hear my therapist's voice in my head. I'm ready to be happy again. I'm ready to stop being held down by this.

I want to have fun.

* * *

Pain hurts. Of course it does, that's what pain is, but still. It shouldn't hurt this bad. I groan as I lean up, trying to wrap my head together from that less-than-graceful fall I took.

"Wendy! Are you alright?!"

"Wendy!"

"Wendy! Shit, someone get the bandages."

Bandages, am I bleeding? I see my friends all huddle around me, but Mest breaks through them all and is down on his knees in an instant. He takes my head in his hands and oh-so-carefully examines it.

"You alright there kid?"

I blink, "did that look as terrible as it felt?"

I hear a snort, "girly, you like nailed that trick perfectly... and then you ate perfect shit-"

"Natsu, shut up!" Mest growls.

I laugh, but then hiss. No, laughing equals more pain, laughing hurts... I still laugh though. A water bottle is being pressed against my lips and I thank Lucy as I drink some, my head becoming clearer.

"Thank goodness for the helmet or else you might have had a serious injury," Mest says taking the helmet off my head.

A cool breeze hits my hair and I sigh out.

"Scrapped your hands up pretty well, no more doing dares and stupid tricks alright love?" Mest asks me.

"I make no promises," I smile at him, and then laughter explodes around me.

Mest tries to help me up, but I'm feeling better already. Sherria is there beside him holding out some bandages for Mest and he leads me over to a bench to clean my scraps. Doesn't look too bad, just some blood and peeled skin. It's going to be difficult to take notes in class tomorrow, that's for sure.

"Make sure you collect the money from Gajeel, Natsu said I made that trick before falling. I still won the bet." I say and then hiss as Mest pours cold water over my palms.

"I highly doubt any injuries on you is worth a measly $10 bucks." He says with a frown.

I bite my bottom lip as he cleans my wounds, drying them off with his handkerchief before covering them up with bandages. When he finishes he kisses both of my palms and places my hands on his cheeks.

"Please be more careful next time? Remember, you don't belong only to you now-"

"I know, I belong to you as well. I remember. I'll try not to hurt us anymore." I smile at him.

Mest gives me his dazzling smile back and leans forward, pressing our lips together. We hear a round of applause and then he's flinching back, staring at our gathering of friends who whistle and catcall. A blush appears on my face. Mest makes the motion to get up and they scatter, jumping on their boards and skating out of here.

"Lousy good for nothing- Wendy, come on."

I nod my head and stand up; Mest holding onto my waist since my hand seems to be out of the question now.

"Since I got hurt can we go out for ice cream?" I ask as we get our boards.

A smirk appears on Mest face and he leans down to pitch my cheek, "whatever you want kid."

I smile.

* * *

I'm exhausted. I think I fall asleep. One moment Mest is helping me into his car, and then the next we're parked in front of my house. The lights are all off, everyone must be asleep right now. I know Jellal is probably spending the night over Erza's after a night like tonight.

"Wendy?" Mest whispers, going to cuff my cheek every so gently.

His cheeks are a hue of red, the alcohol affecting him as well. He didn't have much to drink though since he's driving me home; he would never risk my life like that. I, on the other hand, seemed to have been tricked into drinking more than what I'm used to. The nap really helped me though. I reach on the side of my seat and find the lever I'm looking for, reclining my seat all the way down until I can't go any further. Mest races an eyebrow at me, but he does the same and soon the two of us are lying side by side, a stick shift between us.

"Everything okay there kid?" He asks me.

I yawn and nod my head slowly, "okey dokey."

Mest chuckles. I frown.

"I'm not a kid you know."

Mest looks at me and smiles warmly, "I know. It's just a cute nickname for a cute little kid who used to shy behind Jellal whenever I entered the room."

"That's because I thought you looked handsome. I never liked seeing your face because it made my heart race."

I don't know what I'm telling him (the truth) and Mest finds it highly amusing. I see a smile on his face as it brights up.

"Really? Love at first sight then?"

I hum, "something like that."

"I wouldn't have dreamed of touching Jellal's little sister, but somehow... you really wormed your way into my heart kid- ah, Wendy."

Worms. Ew. I giggle and reach down for the edges of my shirt. I start lifting it up, revealing my belly, and soon my chest as I work my shirt over my shoulders. I hear Mest wheeze and when I finally free myself, he's looking everywhere but me, his face a bright red, one hand covering it while his other is against me.

"What are you doing Wendy? We aren't going to do this here, in front of your parents' house, in my car, parked in the middle of the road, in public!"

What is he talking about? What does he think we're about to do?

"Mest."

"No, put your shirt back home and go inside."

"Mest," I continue.

"I'm going to kill whoever spiked your drink so much, I was so careful to make sure you only had two drinks with plenty of water in between."

"Mest, please look, for me? Please?"

He looks over at me and then quickly looks away. I know he can barely see them in the dark, but I know where they are. I know where each one of them is located, even without the light to guide me. I grab Mest's hand that's outstretched to me, trying to block me from his view, and let the fingers graze over the white line on my stomach. Mest's body stiffens up and I feel his fingers start to move on their own, tracing the jagged line that runs down my stomach, next to my belly button.

"This one was with a belt. It had these... sharp metals things as decorations, I don't remember completely what it looked like. I preferred his leather ones. They didn't break the skin so easily."

Mest breath catches into his throat. I can do this. I feel great right now, the alcohol has given me courage. I move his hand to the one on the side of my hip.

"I tried to help my mother, was pushed into a counter. Didn't know it was bad until the next day when I saw all the blood."

I move his hands to the ones on my arms, tracing each one only once before moving onto the next.

"He threw a cup at me, another belt wound, I ran into the door while I ran away, I dug my nails into my skin to keep me conscious after he slammed my head against the wall."

I stop for a second and take a small breath, "I don't know why I kept trying to help. Mom used to tell me to stay in my room and lock the doors, and I did, for a while. But the next day I would see her hurt, with new bruises, and new cuts, and there I was with not a scratch on me and it was unfair. Why was he hurting her? Why was she protecting me? I could protect Mom as well, I did protect her sometimes."

"W-Wen-Wendy," his voice cracks.

I let go of Mest's hands and roll around, lying on my chest against the seat. I have trouble touching this scar most times, but Mest shouldn't. I grab his hand again and lead it to where the scar ends, at the bottom of my back. I can't raise my hand higher, but he traces it all on his own as his finger rises.

"This one was the last one I ever got. Mom snapped that night. I think she was drinking as well, I think she was trying to gain courage to leave him. He stalked forward, she grabbed a knife and cut him."

I let my eyes lower as I remember that night.

"He got one as well. Screaming, yelling, things breaking. I ran from downstairs and threw myself at my father. I planned on begging him to stop, on screaming how much I love him, how I wished things could go back to being happy. Mom didn't see me, she accidentally cut me. She was screaming so loudly, it was painful. More than the cut, more than anything else, hearing her voice broke everything inside of me. Dad stopped after that. Mom did as well. I remember lying there on the floor feeling the most comfortable touch on me. When I woke up the next time Mom told me we were leaving. We left. I never saw Dad again. I know I should hate him, curse him like Mom does, but I still don't understand why things went that way. He loved me, us, once upon a time. He was so nice, so loving, used to read me bedtime stories and go out for walks. Used to put me high on his shoulders and tell me I could do anything in the world. I'm happy now, Mom is happy, Jellal's Dad is perfect, Jellal is so kind. I feel like I'm the only one who wonders about the old life. They tell me to let it go, but I don't want to. It makes me stronger to remember than forget. It hurts though. If it wasn't me, what was it? If it wasn't my mom's fault, then whose was it? Why did our lives change so much?"

Mest's hand pulls away from me completely. There, I've said everything I've had to say. I feel better, I feel freer. My eyes stay closed and I let out a satisfying sigh as I let the darkness consume me.

* * *

My eyes open up slowly. Everything is so dark, it takes me a while to realize that I'm not in my own room. Slowly my vision comes and I recognize the band posters on the wall. I remember last night. The party, the booze, the drive home, the confessions. It seems instead of carrying me into the house, Mest just drove me back to his place and let me stay. I roll around in the bed and don't feel him next to me at all. Sighing softly, I lean up and feel my head pound gently. Not the worse hangover in the world. I don't remember changing into Mest's pajamas last night; a blush appears on my face as I remember that I did take my shirt off in front of him.

I pull my knees up and hug them to my chest, letting my mind wander as I stay in the position. A couple of minutes later Mest's door opens up and I see him coming in. There's a bowl in his hand as he stares at me and smiles softly.

"Morning."

"Good morning," I tell him.

He walks over and holds out the bowl towards me. I reach out and grab it, a smile appearing on my face. Oatmeal with strawberries, one of my favorite breakfasts. I dig in without hesitation, managing to spit out a quick thank you before I stuff myself. Mest chuckles and joins me in his bed, playing the the collar of my shirt (his shirt), pulling it over my shoulder, watching it fall back down because it's way too big for me, but then doing it again and again.

"Wendy?"

"Hmm," I hum at him.

"What was it that made you fall in love with me?"

I choke a little and clear my throat, "huh?"

"What was it? That made you like me? Fall for me? Say yes when I first asked you on a date?"

I lip my licks and shrug, "I don't really know Mest. I liked your face I guess, the way you looked. I liked how you joked around with Jellal, how you were always kind to me."

"But what was it that made you like all those things about me?"

I'm at a lost, "I'm... not sure."

"Whose fault was it?"

"Whose fault was what?"

"That we fell in love? Who was to blame for that? Whose fault was it?"

I raise an eyebrow at him as I shove another spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth, "I'm not sure what you're getting at Mest. It was no one's fault, at least I think it wasn't. I don't remember Jellal purposely putting us together, or anyone else."

"Why did it change our lives so much? Us falling in love?"

"What's with all the weird questions Mest? What's going on?" I ask.

"Just answer it for me, please?" He sighs.

I lick my lips and shrug, "I don't know, why did it change our lives so much? I mean, we couldn't have stayed the same after falling in love with each other. People change, they grow up. Nothing stays the same forever. Even if we would have stayed friends, we wouldn't have been the exact same friends every single day. Sometimes it would have been different. Lives just... change. Now will you please tell me what's going on with you? Are you still drunk right now?"

Mest reaches out and brushes a strand of hair behind me ear, "you accept these answers so easily?"

"Is that a question?" I ask him.

"You're okay with them? With not knowing why?" He asks.

I shrug, "I guess. You can't know everything in life, especially when it comes to love. I don't have a problem with not knowing why. Do you?"

"I'm just trying to understand and put in context. I know it's not the same, but you accepted not knowing the reasons why we're together so easily. I wanted to know why you couldn't accept that it was nothing you did that led to these scars just as easily."

I freeze, the questions coming back to me. I asked him these thing, not him per-say, but the universe. What was it that made him do it? Whose fault was it? Why everything changed to begin with? I couldn't understand the questions, so I kept questioning and wondering and tried to get the answers. He was right though. What Mest asked me I didn't care for or question at all, but they were the same questions. They didn't keep me up at night, or left me wondering.

"Sometimes things happen Wendy. It no one's fault, no one can understand the complexity of mankind. Like you said, lives just change. People can't stay the same way forever. Your Mom and Dad... I'm sure they loved each other very much and loved you as well, but... people change. That's all that happened. Your father changed into someone that was unforgivable and your mother change into a stronger person to be able to leave and keep you safe."

I don't think I'm crying. I place the bowl down on my lap and reach for my cheeks just to check. They are wet, my throat all of a sudden tightens and it hurts. It hurts a lot. I don't want comfort though, I don't want to be wrapped around arms and be whispered smoothing words. People change. Lives change. It might have been my fault, it might have been no ones. I'm holding onto something so desperately because it was all I knew for so long. I'm dragging myself in this happiness I have now because I can't understand it. I can't help but feel that I'll be dragged back down again, into that darkness. I won't though. I won't. I should let go. I should breathe.

I should breathe.

I start to breathe in and out, slowly.

I shouldn't let it feel heavy. I shouldn't be weighed down by anything. I start breathing without a care in the world and it feels great. I pick my bowl up and go back to eating. Mest's presence is right beside me, but he doesn't say anything. He just stays silent now and starts playing with my collar again.

I feel better.

* * *

Soft lips press against the corner of my wrist. I shiver as warm hands, his warm hands, raise my sleeves up bit by bit. Those lips move up, kissing my scars one after the other. When he finishes with my left arm he moves to my right, repeating the process. I feel butterflies. I feel them coming alive.

"Mest," his name whispers on my lips.

"I love you Wendy and everything about you," he tells me.

He looks up at me and I fluster immediately. Only he can make me do this. Only he can make me feel this way. His hands sneak under my shirt and I let them, raising my own arms into the air as he pulls it off my head. Our lips meet each other and all of a sudden I'm laughing and gasping for breath as he tickles my ribs.

"Mest- hahahaha- Mest-hahahaha-please!" I gasp.

His fingers stop and he's suddenly kissing me again, on my lips, down my neck, against my chest, all the way to the small scar right next to my belly button.

"I'm going to miss you kid," he whispers, dropping his weight on me as he lays his head down on my stomach.

It takes me a moment to regain my breath, but when I do, I'm running my fingers through his hair gently.

"I know, I'll still be here though. Whenever you want me, I'll be here waiting for you."

He kisses my stomach and looks up at me. His eyes so tender and filled with emotion I nearly gasps. Slowly he leans back up and hovers over me, not kissing, not touching, just looking at me, taking me all in like it's the last time he'll ever see me again when graduation isn't even for another two months.

"Promise?" Mest asks.

I'm not worried. I have his heart in my hands. It doesn't matter how far he goes, or how many new people he meets. It stays in my hands forever. I'll never misuse it or abuse it, treat it unkindly or hurt it in anyway, because he has mine as well. I may be his, but he is also mine.

"I promise you Mest."

He smiles and then leans down to press our lips together again. I get a strange sense of deja vu and before I know it, my door is opening up and we break apart. Jellal stands in the doorway, his jaw slacked as he sees his best friend kissing his (adopted) little sister... with her shirt off. Last time I had my clothes on, so I just blushed in embarrassment and turned away. This time though, I scream and start throwing things at Jellal.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SHUT THE DOOR?! DON'T LOOK!"

Jellal seems as choked up as I am and it takes a pillow in the face for him to recover and slam the door. Mest rolls over and is laughing his guts outs while I cover my face and groan. He saw me without a shirt on. He saw me, he saw me. Apparently Jellal realizes what he saw as well, because even though the door doesn't open again, he beings pounding on it and screams in a frightening voice.

"MEST! YOU GET YOUR NO GOOD ASS OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT! SHE IS MY SISTER! MY LITTLE SISTER! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU PROMISED TO WAIT AT LEAST UNTIL SHE GRADUATED AND STARTED COLLEGE!"

Mest is quickly running around the room, grabbing all his things. I raise an eyebrow as I watch him.

"What is he talking about? You promised him something?" I ask.

"Ah nothing, just the first time we talked he didn't want me stealing your virtue or anything until you were older." Mest says leaning over to kiss my lips.

"I'm sorry to say that neither of you have a saying in when or who I lose my virtue too," I pout.

"Of course kid, it was in a heat of the moment touch my sister and I'll kill you discussion- wait a minute, what do you mean who you lose it to? I'm your boyfriend, the only boyfriend you'll have for the rest of your life at that until I work up the nerves to propose. You better not be thinking of cheating on me with someone." Mest frowns at me.

I giggle and grab onto Mest's hand, holding a finger to my lips.

"Jellal! He's escaping out the window!" I yell.

Mest raises an eyebrow as Jellal curses and his footsteps can be heard retreating downstairs.

"Devious little minx," Mest says squeezing my cheeks, "thanks for that."

"FYI, I was kidding before. I'm saving myself for marriage. So if you do in fact want to steal my virtue, it's only going to be after you put a ring out it and buy me a really expensive and delicious wedding cake."

Mest's face brightens and he flashes me another one of his dazzling smiles before kissing me, "anything for you kid. I'll wait until we're old and gray to steal you away if that's what you truly wanted. I better get going now before your brother realizes I didn't in fact go out the window. I'll call you later though."

He presses another sweet kiss against my lips before running away. I sigh lightly and fall back into my bed, pressing my fingers against my lips.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm not thinking about my past. I'm not thinking about my scars. I'm sure I will again. It's impossible to never have a fight or violence or hear screams or yelling. I know how to breathe though. I remember how to breathe without a weight on my chest. If I breathe I know everything is going to be alright, that and always have him by my side.

I take a small breath and smile.


End file.
